PROVO, UT - 6/25/05
Today we went to Salt Lake City for gas and to trip out on the huge ass
Mormon temple. On the positive, SLC is full of pretty girls and the
city is the cleanest i’ve ever seen. On the down side, we felt like
people were watching us and damn near everyone was white. That was
kinda creepy...
We stopped at a Cracker Barrel restaurant and sure enough, it was full
of crackers too. We had some really good food then headed to the next
venue, Muse Music. We were all really tired and the place wasn’t open
yet. Le-frost saw a vacant storefront two doors down and tried the
door. No shit, it was unlocked.
We piled into the empty store and camped out on the floor. There was
electricity but the plumbing didnt work. There was a big shit in the
toilet and someone had to go bad. One of the crew wound up taking a
shit on a shit. Fine for that person but our cozy squat suddenly
smelled like an outhouse. We were too fucking tired to complain so we
crashed out anyway. We were even able to weasle free wireless internet
from the comic book shop next door.
We woke up and the venue was open so we loaded in. There was a really
nice and polite guy running shit. He hit up Joey and asked what was up
with them making fun of Mormons. There was a series of explanations
and things seemed to be smoothed over. We asked the guy if you could
smoke in bars in Utah. He said he didn’t know because he doesn’t go to
bars. Weird, right?? So we asked what cops would do if they caught
one of us with weed. He said he wouldn’t know cause he doesn’t smoke
weed....
Something was off...
We went to the store and got a couple of 18 packs to prep for the show.
It was slated to possibly be sketchy cause The Mormons were playing in the largest
Mormon mecca on the planet. The Mormons don’t make fun of Mormons.
Like if there was a band called The Buddhists and wore robes and played
in Japan. People wouldn’t get aggro, right?
So we played and the people were cool and much nicer than in Richmond.
Really cool and young kids just there to have fun. The show went fine
and everything was great. Our moods quickly changed cause we knew the
Mormons were on next. A couple of the 8-bitters got on point to
either fight or work crowd control if things got dumb. They never did.
The Mormons ripped shit up and everyone was really cool. Patrick did a
great job assuring the crowd that it was just music and not some blow
toward their religion. It worked like a charm and the played a great
show.
weird... We know that our autographs are worth less than used gum but
we obliged nevertheless. Super cool kids. One was 16 and the other
was 15. Being the positive influences we are we offered them beer but
the declined. They said they were OK and were really appreciative of
us playing in their town. They were soo cool.
The moral of the story, if there is one, is that Mormon people are
really fucking nice. Most don’t drink or smoke or do drugs. They are
just happy and nice. It turns out that Mormon people are just like us,
but better. What could have been a nightmare turned out to be really
fun. We suggest to anyone..... Don’t be afraid of Utah. Its a really
nice place.to check out. We would definately play there again.
After an after party in a Wal-Mart parking lot, we are on the road
again to Cheyenne, Wyoming. None of us have ever been to Wyoming so
hopefully its a good time. Now its time to sleep while we listen to
Stereolab. We miss lots of people in LA already. Hopefully we won’t
end up dead on this trip so we can see ya’ll again.
Joey writes:
After the two drivers had a battle of wits over who was going the right
way, one conceded and we made our way to the Wal-Mart in Provo Utah.
I know Jimmie likes this because for him, this is also a tour of toy
stores to search out action figures. He loves that shit. Now here’s a
chance for him to check the inventory in a ton of different wal-marts.
He had also told us some that I didn’t take seriously at first. He
told us that in small communities, wak-marts are like community
centers. People would gather there. Well, we drove up at 10:15 on
Saturday the 25th of June, and this wall-mart was rockin. Literally
rockin! There were guitar players jamming front of the store,
(jamming being the operative word here). Cars were spaced out with
young people milling about and socializing. Like a modern day
sock-hop. Hell,. I don’t know what a sock hop is. Bottom line.tons
of chicks. Tons of white chicks. Are you guys in a band?” Two or
three indicate in the affirmative and Andy does his job by plugging the
Mormons as he walks past the no-doubt dumb batch, and she turns her
attention to us lagers. She’d kinda cute, but she had put too much
time into flirting with some geeky looking guy to give him up just
because we rolled up. Besides we needed supplies. Your hardest cowboy
needed to stop into town every once in a while for a rub-n-sug.
I was waiting in tremendously long line with KELLY, WHEN I NOTICED HIM
CONTINUALLY DIPPING INTO HIS JACKET POCKET AND FISHING OUT SOMETHING HE
WOULD QUICKLY sump in his mouth. It looked like cookie or something.
That’s when I got nervous because I realized Kelly was shoplifting. He
was pretty drunk and doing a sloppy job of it but I was SURE THAT HIS
CONNFIDENCE WOULD CARRY HIM THROUGH. Besides, with my paranoia
problem, I had already worked out my complete alibi. I finally got
outside and made my way to the van. Kelly was swallowing when he
explained how he couldn’t help himself and had to dip into my beef
jerky. It’s cool. The guy’s a food larcenist.
Tony started shooting off what turned out top be bogus fireworks, but
we all paid attention, because of our communal fondness of fireworks.
Or fire. Just then here comes some chunky monkey white girl saying,
“you can’t fire off fire-works in the parking lot and that it is
illegal, and THAT SHE’S A COP!’ We are strangers in a strange land so
we dip into our L.A. bullshit and exert that it was not us who lit any
fireworks. She laughs and exclaims that she is not really a cop and
wants to know about out travels. We gladly tell her a she must have
been the go-getter of her chick posse, because she had 3 girls in tow,
trolling their Celica thru the parking lot, making conversation now
that the go-getter broke the ice. They are nice enough and all of us
boys are on our best behavior so we push on to Wyoming.
Mormon temple. On the positive, SLC is full of pretty girls and the
city is the cleanest i’ve ever seen. On the down side, we felt like
people were watching us and damn near everyone was white. That was
kinda creepy...
We stopped at a Cracker Barrel restaurant and sure enough, it was full
of crackers too. We had some really good food then headed to the next
venue, Muse Music. We were all really tired and the place wasn’t open
yet. Le-frost saw a vacant storefront two doors down and tried the
door. No shit, it was unlocked.
We piled into the empty store and camped out on the floor. There was
electricity but the plumbing didnt work. There was a big shit in the
toilet and someone had to go bad. One of the crew wound up taking a
shit on a shit. Fine for that person but our cozy squat suddenly
smelled like an outhouse. We were too fucking tired to complain so we
crashed out anyway. We were even able to weasle free wireless internet
from the comic book shop next door.
We woke up and the venue was open so we loaded in. There was a really
nice and polite guy running shit. He hit up Joey and asked what was up
with them making fun of Mormons. There was a series of explanations
and things seemed to be smoothed over. We asked the guy if you could
smoke in bars in Utah. He said he didn’t know because he doesn’t go to
bars. Weird, right?? So we asked what cops would do if they caught
one of us with weed. He said he wouldn’t know cause he doesn’t smoke
weed....
Something was off...
We went to the store and got a couple of 18 packs to prep for the show.
It was slated to possibly be sketchy cause The Mormons were playing in the largest
Mormon mecca on the planet. The Mormons don’t make fun of Mormons.
Like if there was a band called The Buddhists and wore robes and played
in Japan. People wouldn’t get aggro, right?
So we played and the people were cool and much nicer than in Richmond.
Really cool and young kids just there to have fun. The show went fine
and everything was great. Our moods quickly changed cause we knew the
Mormons were on next. A couple of the 8-bitters got on point to
either fight or work crowd control if things got dumb. They never did.
The Mormons ripped shit up and everyone was really cool. Patrick did a
great job assuring the crowd that it was just music and not some blow
toward their religion. It worked like a charm and the played a great
show.
We ran into some really cool kids that wanted autographs. Thats so
weird... We know that our autographs are worth less than used gum but
we obliged nevertheless. Super cool kids. One was 16 and the other
was 15. Being the positive influences we are we offered them beer but
the declined. They said they were OK and were really appreciative of
us playing in their town. They were soo cool.
The moral of the story, if there is one, is that Mormon people are
really fucking nice. Most don’t drink or smoke or do drugs. They are
just happy and nice. It turns out that Mormon people are just like us,
but better. What could have been a nightmare turned out to be really
fun. We suggest to anyone..... Don’t be afraid of Utah. Its a really
nice place.to check out. We would definately play there again.
After an after party in a Wal-Mart parking lot, we are on the road
again to Cheyenne, Wyoming. None of us have ever been to Wyoming so
hopefully its a good time. Now its time to sleep while we listen to
Stereolab. We miss lots of people in LA already. Hopefully we won’t
end up dead on this trip so we can see ya’ll again.
Joey writes:
After the two drivers had a battle of wits over who was going the right
way, one conceded and we made our way to the Wal-Mart in Provo Utah.
I know Jimmie likes this because for him, this is also a tour of toy
stores to search out action figures. He loves that shit. Now here’s a
chance for him to check the inventory in a ton of different wal-marts.
He had also told us some that I didn’t take seriously at first. He
told us that in small communities, wak-marts are like community
centers. People would gather there. Well, we drove up at 10:15 on
Saturday the 25th of June, and this wall-mart was rockin. Literally
rockin! There were guitar players jamming front of the store,
(jamming being the operative word here). Cars were spaced out with
young people milling about and socializing. Like a modern day
sock-hop. Hell,. I don’t know what a sock hop is. Bottom line.tons
of chicks. Tons of white chicks. Are you guys in a band?” Two or
three indicate in the affirmative and Andy does his job by plugging the
Mormons as he walks past the no-doubt dumb batch, and she turns her
attention to us lagers. She’d kinda cute, but she had put too much
time into flirting with some geeky looking guy to give him up just
because we rolled up. Besides we needed supplies. Your hardest cowboy
needed to stop into town every once in a while for a rub-n-sug.
I was waiting in tremendously long line with KELLY, WHEN I NOTICED HIM
CONTINUALLY DIPPING INTO HIS JACKET POCKET AND FISHING OUT SOMETHING HE
WOULD QUICKLY sump in his mouth. It looked like cookie or something.
That’s when I got nervous because I realized Kelly was shoplifting. He
was pretty drunk and doing a sloppy job of it but I was SURE THAT HIS
CONNFIDENCE WOULD CARRY HIM THROUGH. Besides, with my paranoia
problem, I had already worked out my complete alibi. I finally got
outside and made my way to the van. Kelly was swallowing when he
explained how he couldn’t help himself and had to dip into my beef
jerky. It’s cool. The guy’s a food larcenist.
Tony started shooting off what turned out top be bogus fireworks, but
we all paid attention, because of our communal fondness of fireworks.
Or fire. Just then here comes some chunky monkey white girl saying,
“you can’t fire off fire-works in the parking lot and that it is
illegal, and THAT SHE’S A COP!’ We are strangers in a strange land so
we dip into our L.A. bullshit and exert that it was not us who lit any
fireworks. She laughs and exclaims that she is not really a cop and
wants to know about out travels. We gladly tell her a she must have
been the go-getter of her chick posse, because she had 3 girls in tow,
trolling their Celica thru the parking lot, making conversation now
that the go-getter broke the ice. They are nice enough and all of us
boys are on our best behavior so we push on to Wyoming.
posted by The Mormons at 4:49 PM
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