CHEYENNE, WY - 6/26/05

wyoming_sunrise, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

joey wrote
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“This is fuckin great.” I say to josh as the sun rises above the
Wyoming cloudscape. This land is so vast and empty. I love that. I
feel comfort in thinking of a great escape to a barren place like this.
The continental divide, bombing the 80, is one the most startling
things. You can’t see it. You look at it and you can’t focus because
you start to imagine things. What life might have been like before…our
now. Being a native from los ageless I realize what a simpleton I am. I’ve
not seen much. But here I am now. On tour. A ton a states I’ve never
been before. I didn’t even pay attention to the tour schedule when it
was being developed because I wasn’t experience this without imagining
it. I want it to have its own story.

I glance out the window and see deer in the endless shrubbery; this is
their world. We are us metal demons that take lives away. No people
live out here. It’s 6:00 in the morning and I realize I’ve never really seen the sun
rise before. I guess I’m kind of keeping josh awake with sporadic
small talk evbery 4 and a half minutes as Patrick curls up in the
shotgun and Jimmie and Vince share the honeymoon suite in back, All
three have pretty much slept through the night, but I’m much too
paranoid to sleep in this death machine. I think Jimmie sensed my
paranoia, because about 2:30 in the morning he sent me a text message
to my cell phone reading’ Cliff Burton Dude…Cliff Burton. I almost had
a nervous breakdown right there. I thought, for a split second, of
Cynderoppa, the demon.

But josh has once again driven all night and I am grateful. I take a
hit of pot and I wonder what the sentencing guidelines are for this
state. Cheyenne: 141 miles.

Vince wrote
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...so i guess that’s were i’ll check in with our perspective and the
first installment of TOUR WOES. episode whatever... in a galaxy of
rednecks far far away our “heroes” find themselves bitching and biting
at each other like big babies who need their diapers changed. look,
the reality is we’re a group of unlikeable personalities when we’re at
our worst. and when you’re traveling in a van with four other people
who haven’t showered, and haven’t slept much at all, the worst will
show it’s ugly face. the sad thing is, it only took 2 1/2 days for a
meltdown to occur.

being 1 for 3 in shows played on tour put us in a fucked up mood to
begin with. things did not work out as we had hoped and the looks of
disappointment were setting in on our mugs. it seemed like we drove
for hours and hours ending up in wyoming just to take a dump in an
outhouse in the middle of fucking nowhere. the show got shut down
cause 8-bit were shooting off bottle rockets- that they bought not even
a half a mile up the road. and that’s some kind of big deal, so shows
over.

wyoming_fireworks sign, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

the kids who set up the show were disappointed. we were pissed
that we unloaded all our shit and had to break it all down literally as
soon as we were ready to burn. rock n roll blue balls AND we had to
load all that shit back into the trailer. “fuck this!!”, i thought
silently stewing in my own brain juices. the 8-bit crew were already
having fun drunk off their asses and we were as sober and haggered as
can be. have you ever been in a bad mood and then someone walks in
having the time of their life and that just irritates you even more
cause you’re not having even half as much fun as they are? i hope so,
cause that’s the only way i could describe it. it’s hard to switch
from pissed-off and irritable to euphoric in an instant- at least for
me. the kids were bummed out on us. supposedly, we burned their spot
and that would be the last show. i guess it’s a big no-no to light
fireworks in cheyenne during fireworks season. i think it’s retarded
for a city to sell fireworks and then come down on kids for setting
them off a half a mile away from where they were sold. it was even out
of the city limits! in the middle of nowhere! but whatever- that’s
the way they do it there, and we’re not from there so i don’t know.
but it wasn’t the kids’ fault. i don’t think they were ready for our
brand of what we call ‘fun’ in l.a.. they seemed tame and passive for
young kids. and i’m sorry we blew their spot and then our friends lit
bottle rockets at them. that sucks. we meant no disrespect to the
kids, or the cattle, or the wyoming sky we shot bottle rockets at, or
the outhouse.

so we got to denver from cheyenne. i was driving. still pissed-off
and not knowing at who. i have never been to denver so i just drove
around trying to find some place to park for a while so that we can
stretch our legs and have a smoke- no smoking rule applies in our van.
for a pack a day smoker it sucks. bah! we got in contact with 8-bit.
they were drinking at a bar nearby and we met up with them. we stood
at the bar for a while, had a few drinks and it was time to find the
next spot to make meemees. the plan was to crash out at a wal-mart so
that we wouldn’t be hassled.

so on the way there, a couple of us were still bummed on the whole
situation to this point- and yes, me included. would you expect any
less? josh had about 2 or 3 hours of rest the last couple of days and
was on his breaking point. i was irritable as fuck and “not in the
mood”. so, me and josh comenced irritating each other to the point
where josh lost it. totally could not take or hear anything i was
saying and started going passed my limit of letting it go. rather than
go into specifics, i’ll just say it got to the point where i told josh
to stop the van and let me out or i was gonna do something ‘not nice’
to him. total blowout. so i took a walk at 1:30 am in denver. a
place that i had never been to. just walking around to get those
horrible thoughts and urges out of me. i was on the brink of losing my
shit. i had no idea where i was going, but i knew that if i didn’t
start walking- ...it’s a good thing i walked. i wandered around for an
hour or so, heat radiating from my face and hands. i made my way back
as soon as i regained control of my actions. we headed for the
wal-mart. on the way some guy was screaming, “...hey!!! don’t stab
me!! no!! help! police!!!!” running down the street being chased by a
couple of guys. weird night. awful night.

we all woke up soaking wet in our own sweat from sleeping five in a
van. nasty.

anyway, me & josh squashed the bullshit between us. both of us agreed
that we were both wrong- and both major pricks- and appologized to each
other. i’m glad. it was awful getting to that point with josh. i
think very highly of him. if it weren’t for josh we wouldn’t be on
tour- we probably wouldn’t be anywhere. it’s all thanks to his hard
work. i hate fighting with friends and that’s why i feel a lot better
having said our sorries. cool.

stupid. so fucking stupid. would you believe we’re grown men? i
wouldn’t. i think we’re fucking assholes. miserable and defective
personalities. on tour. together. for 25 more days.

There-e-mang wrote
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Wyoming sucks. There is no alternate viewpoint. Don’t ever go to
Wyoming ever. Got that??

wyoming_sunset, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

We got to Cheyenne and we couldn’t find the city. Its the biggest
fucking city in the state and we couldn’t find it. We got the
directions to the show and there was nothing there. A dirt road with a
fence blocking it and a plywood sign that someone spraypainted SHOW!
on. it was pathetic, really...

So we were fucked and crossed over the freeway (no one knows what a
freeway is, its an Interstate). We found a fireworks store and bought
a shitload of bottle rockets (3 gross for $5 with a free 100 pack of
black cat firecrackers), roman candles (with report), and somebig ass
skyrockets to shoot at gas stations along the way. We asked the locals
where the fuck the city was and we headed into town.We got to the city
center and it was a complete ghost town. No one was out. It was noon
and nothing was open. We wound up driving a little out of town and
found a grocery store.

We bought some shit to eat and I talked to the cute (probably 16 year
old) check out girl. I asked her what was there to do in the city if
you wanna have fun. I shit you not, she said, ‘Go to church’. I
laughed cause i thought she was joking. I said, ‘No, seriously, what
is there to do for FUN’. She said on sunday all there was to do was go
to church or swing. Now we were getting somewhere...

I asked her where people go to ‘swing’. She said, ‘In the park,
silly’. She meant swing and in swing set. Goddamn, we are definately
not in LA anymore.

We went to the park and pulled blankets out under trees and crashed
out. Some of the crew got into their underwear and jumped into the
lake to go swimming. It was nice and we got some rest. We were ready
to play the show!!!!

We got back to the ‘Show’ sign and followed the dirt road to this
cluster of buildings for the ‘University of Wyoming Research center’.
It was a small group of little cabins and barns. One of the buildings
said, ‘Sheep Building’. I guess the Wyomingans need some privacy when
they make sweet love to sheep.

We loaded into the venue and asked where the bathroom was. Sure
enough, there were two outhouses, one for boys and one for girls. We
asked the guy what sort of testing they performed there and he said
something so ridiculous that we had to ask again. He said they test
the effect of wind on tumbleweeds and test speeds of wind v/s
tumbleweed speed. Thank god someone is performing this valuable
service. I’m glad tax dollars are going to such a worthy cause.

wyoming_claudia shitter, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

wyoming_shitter, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

There was no alcohol allowed on the premises so we went back to the
firework store and hit the bar next door. It was called “T-Joes” so we
felt at home cause it sounded like “joe t’s”. We ordered a bunch of
pitchers and whiskey drinks and proceeded to get loaded. We played
Shuffle Board with some locals who kicked our asses but they were nice
enough to buy us an additional pitcher.

Vic met a truck driver from Idaho and he wanted to go to the show. He
was real cool, his name was Bill but his handle for the CB was
Shagnasty. The guy was fucking DRUNK. He rolled with us to the venue
(after we got 36 take-away beers) and told us stories of Lot Lizards.
Lot Lizards are hookers that work at truck stops. The blow or have sex
with a trucker, then get on his CB and call out to the other truckers
asking if anyone wants any ‘commercial’. Thats code for hooker
services.

wyoming_shagnasty, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

Bill aslo said there are semi’s with stickers that have a picture of a
lizard with a line through it. Like the Ghostbusters logo, but with a
lizard instead of a ghost. That tells lot lizards that they don’t want
any hookers. I will find that sticker somewhere along this tour. That
is now the only thing i care about.

We got to the show and the first band played. We were all drunk as
hell and started lighting off bottle rockets in the parking lot. The
Mormons were about to play so we stopped to check out the show. Right
as the Mormons were about to begin, some redneck came and told the
people at the venue that the show was shut down and the venue was shut
down for good.

wyoming_fireworks venue, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

The kids that threw the show were pissed at us but we were piss drunk.
We reloaded the trucks and started shooting bottle rockets at the kids
throwing the show. They were screaming, ‘Stop It!! Seriously, stop
it!!!’

We drove off laughing. In like one hour we single handedly ruined in
the whole Wyoming music scene...

We said fuck it and headed straight for Denver. We hit some bar that
had bigass $6 pitchers of Pabst and continued to get fucked up. Robo-t
vomited and Spacey-K passed out. We headed out of that bar and went to
Wal-mart to sleep in the parking lot. I guess they don’t harass you
there.

On the way to crash out, the Mormons got into some sort of fight and
Josh decked the van. His hand is all bandages up now. Hopefully he
can play guitar for the rest of tour...

Denver_josh hand, originally uploaded by mormons - 8 bit tour.

I think thats it for now. We will be playing in Denver tonight and in
Topeka, Kansas tomorrow. Interesting and retarded times are had so
far. Its monday?? I can’t wait to finally shower. We smell like a
bunch of fucking hippies.