NEW YORK CITY 7/7-8-9/05
we woke up at around noon which is early for us. we all had some
breakfast courtesy of Le-Frost and Vic. its about goddamn time we got
a girl in the kitchen... we ate, drank coffee, took shits, and packed
our stuff for our first shows ever in NYC. we were warned by everyone
that new yorkers were mean and aggressive so we got some baseball bats
easily accessible in our vans.
we made the short 4 hour drive but The Mormons got stopped on the way
into the city at a toll booth. I guess some bombs were set off in
London so New York was on high alert for shit to go down. there was a
short delay and the mormons were released from their search. we really
hope our friend trist that just came to visit us is ok in London. if
our phones worked for anything i would call her.
we got to manhattan and pulled up to CBGB's. man, i dont feel like i
should have to tell anyone how significant that club has been to
changing american culture and music... we were a little awestruck at
the door of CB's and it was our first show ever in new york. then we
got inside....
tourist trap piece of shit. the fucking bathrooms were clean?? what
the fuck?? they are about to close the club any day now cause we heard
the rent there was now 40,000 a month. its a fucking t-shirt shop more
than a club now.
we parked the van and loaded in and were making fun of some band that
was having a photo shoot out front of the club. they were wearing
make-up, like foundation and all, with a lighting crew and all that
shit. bunch of fucking posers. i made a point of spitting on their
van when we had to move ours around the corner.
we ventured out to get some authentic NY pizza at Rays and some booze
at a little market on 2nd. we had a van party and proceeded to get
loaded less than a block from the club. a gang of friends showed up to
roll the party. mary and eli from the monolators, le-frosts cousin
andre, todd and edie, chris, ping, and sheena. we were getting loaded
listening to roxanne shante and biz-markee.
the fellaz from frequency needs a mate began the evening and are crazy
tight. those guys have crazy energy and it comes across in their
music. you should look up the band on myspace and do a search to find
their website. they are a great band and the hands down funniest and
craziest motherfuckers we've ever met.
the turnout was pretty bad for the show but more friends loaded into
the club to make it fun. airin, nico, becky were in town from LA.
gina, abigail, and mariam rolled to the show who are lovely
sweethearts. dj ness, the greatest DJ and coolest girl ever. patricks
grandpa, niece, and cousin. there were a few more friends of airins
and a supercute girl that i was too drunk to remember her name...
the mormons played next and blew shit up. i don't know what else to
say... they brought it hard and drowned out whatever bullshit rehash
of nu-metal that was coming from the next room. it felt like the
mormons could have played that same stage in the mid 70's and would
have held their own with any band that rolled through there. they can
hold their own with any band now. its a damn crime that more people
don't know about them. if you don't own the mormons album or haven't
seen them live then you are missing out on something that is real in a
diluted and crappy time in music history. go buy the bravery album you
damn poser...
8-bit came on next and the CBGB's staff didn't really know what to make
of a rap group playing at the punk mecca. the 8-bitches were able to
drink and smoke waayy to much before the show and had celebratory
drinks with all the homies. they got on and it was a drunken wreck.
one of those shows where a mike isn't working, the robots can't
remember their lines, they can't stand up, and they hurt themselves.
anti-log had some sort of iggy pop flashback and broke a bottle and cut
himself several times. it was some sort of twisted homage to the club
that started so much of the imagery that we know today, he was dripping
blood everywhere and he wiped a mess of blood on his face mask. he
went into the crowd wiping blood on everyone that was too slow to get
away. the bots wound up tangled in a a mess of cables and blood on the
floor.
the show was really fun but CBGB's refused to pay 8-bit cause the bots
somehow broke a microphone?? gimme a fucking break... CBGB's being a
bitch cause a rap group was too punk?? what a pathetic piece of shit
club... if thats how they do shit then let if fucking close. the
originators of that club would be chopping heads in that place getting
rid of everyone involved if they knew shit like that was going on.
after the show, we all said goodbye to the friends that had to go and
the groups split on different missions. jimmy and josh headed to time
square and ground zero to check out crazy shit in the city. le-frost
and tim went to the slipper room and they met up with preston, dj
ness's boyfriend. they had some drinks and stumbled into the strongest
weed they ever smoked. le-frost was out of her mind stoned. joey,
patrick, sheena, robo-t, spacey-k, and anti-log were told there was a
club that would give them all free booze. the followed airin, nico and
a pocket of beautiful girls they know to find the free liquor.
they all got to a club that turned out to be in the basement of another
club. it also turned out to be a gay club and liquor wasnt free.
they all managed to have fun dancing and weaseling one free drink out
of the place. when it came time to buy drinks they decided to leave
and go on a quest for $2 pabst.
le-frost and tim eventually hooked back up with the large crew and
rolled on with the drinking. eventually everyone rounded back up
behind CBGB's and said good-byes. the big ass crew headed to a friends
house in long island to crash out and rest up for the show at lit the
next night.
some confusions about sleeping arrangements happened and there was some
bummed out folks about van sleeping after driving all the way to long
island. fuck, its tour, what can you do??
Lit Lounge and The Slipper Room
most of the mormons headed back to manhattan and the 8-bitters got some
sleep in long island. they got some food and coffee at the stop 20
diner and then headed into manhattan to meet the mormons at lit.
we loaded into the back room of the club with the fancy coffee table
and ventured off to the liquor store. we ended up getting thai food
next door and the funny memory of that was spacey-k sitting down and
breaking the chair. we all got a pretty good laugh and had some pretty
tasty food.
we met up with the same crew of friends and super cute girls with the
addition of preston. the basement of lit is a small little dark cave.
we hung out in the back room getting loaded, smoking incredible weed,
and hearing a funny tale of cocaine consumption off the fancy coffee
table. we missed the first two bands cause we were busy getting
loaded.
the mormons went on third and drew some lazy drinkers from upstairs.
the stage is like 6 inches tall due to the low ceilings and the sound
was pretty good. the subs in the club were in need of replacing or
upgrading but the sound was loud enough for the narrow room. i guess
the first band was an acoustic act and the second band was a
semi-mellow rock group. the mormons built up the energy of the place
through their set.
by the end of the set people were getting drunk and were moving around
a bit. it was good to see that some people want to have fun when they
leave their houses. cute cute girls dancing and having fun while the
mormons brought the noise.
the mormons finished their set and left their equipment on the stage.
it was so crowded at that point that it would have been impossible to
return their gear to the back room. 8-bit doesn't give a shit about
playing on the floor so they took it from there.
one of the robots climbed the stairs to fuck around in the streets and
annoy the supposedly angry new yorkers. when the robot went back into
the club the door guy asked to see ID?? what the fuck?? like if he
had an ID in his ro-body he'd be able to compare it with the picture?
some common sense was pumped into the door guy and he let the robot
back in.
the robots were reunited and launched into their set. there was no
room to move around and robots kept hitting their heads on the ceiling
when they tried to climb on chairs and tables. all in all it was a
good show and people were really cool and fun. when the set came to a
close there was some shouting for an encore but the sound guy wouldn't
let the robots bust that shit.
dj-ness was having no part of the evening ending so she made a call
over to the slipper room. she announced (at something like 2am) that
8-bit was going to play at the slipper room and everyone should go. no
shit??? a big posse rolled out of lit and made the journey to the next
club.
we arrived at the slipper room and rolled the drunk 10 fold. the
slipper room is a burlesque club where cute girls occasionally dance to
8-bit songs. we were welcomed by todd and edie. dj-ness was hooking
up the robots with drinks and getting more people into the club. they
had to chase ethan hawk out of the club so 8-bit could play. maybe
they were worried about the liability???
so 8-bit began a set that airin wrote at something like 3am and played
some more of the obscure songs that the old school homies know. the
club was fucking packed and it was a drunken mess. it was so fucking
fun and the place was full of beautiful girls. sooo fucking fun!!!
8-bit finished and josh and sheena pulled out merch for the sake of
trying to help out tour funding. shit was flying off the tables.
the robots went out front of the club to get some air and talk to
friends and thank people for supporting but they were drunk as hell.
everyone was being so nice, anti-log was bummed. he said something
about asking where all the angry new yorkers were and he invited people
to spit on him. at first people were saying no but only at first.
soon he was covered in authentic new york spit.
everyone divided up, some going back to the crash house in long island,
some venturing into the city to sight see, and some people headed to an
amazing loft on the boarder of china town. the loft was incredible!!!
good friends, beautiful girls, and new friends we just made markus and
circus.
anti-log was immediately thrown into the shower to wash off his new
york souvineer spit. he was so drunk he didnt know what was going on.
he came out soaking wet in his underwear and passed out on the floor
in front of a big speaker.
being purposeful, names have been withheld, but a big sack of coke
showed up at 7am. people were playing with anagrams, dancing, playing
loud music, and drinking heavily. a good and lecherous time was had by
all.
things eventually wound down once the bag was empty and a little sleep
was had by all. manhattan fucking ruled!!!!!
long islang show
we woke up and wiped the crust from our eyes. we eventually dragged
our bitch asses out of the loft and airin took everybody out for cuban
food at cafe habana. goddamn, you trip over beautiful girls in new
york. they are everywhere... every ethnicity, every shape, size,
color. its overwhelming or maybe we've been on the road too long. the
waitresses there are jaw dropping. no wonder lenny kravitz made a
video about falling in love with a girl in that place.
the food was great and the company was better. we enjoyed the walk
back through little italy and china town back to the loft. anti-log
even nicked an art deco ashtray to give to their gracious hostesses.
we got back to the pad and we found nico and becky getting ready to
leave to go back home to LA. we all tried to talk them into staying in
new york for a longer period of time but nico was really sick. we
helped them with their baggage down the stairs and said goodbyes.
we tried to talk airin into hitching a ride with us back to LA and to
finish out the last two weeks with us on tour. he was tempted but had
to get back to take care of shit in LA sooner than we could offer him.
we said sad goodbyes to the super-cute trio of girls and to airin and
we loaded into the space craft to go to long island for the next show.
the two sets of stragglers made the drive back into long island for a
house party at diana's. we all met up with the frequency needs a mate
fellows and the fucking momolators!!! we proceeded to get drunk.
we were wondering where all the supposed angry and hateful new yorkers
were when we were in manhattan. we found out... there are mobs of
them in long island. to say that long islanders have an accent is
understatement. its like a different language. a very angry,
aggressive, hateful, and loud language. there were some really cool and
fun people there but they were outnumbered by the meathead-fest.
there were a total of 8 bands slated to play in the basement of one
house and the first keg was cashed after the 2nd band. recipe for
disaster.
dianas friend angie played in a drums in a band and kicked ass. there
is something about girls that play drums, i dont know what it is...
and when a girl plays the drum well???? fogettaboudit.
there were a couple of metal bands interspersed in the mix that dragged
even more hatred out of the swarm of mental midgets. i have no problem
with metal, we grew up on the shit, i have a problem with ignorant
people. we were at a place that people wouldnt meet the minimum
requirements to enter a special olympics essay competition.
frequency needs a mate were the first of the touring groups to play and
they were fantastic. they managed to win over both the cool people and
the meat-heads. it was a magical thing to see... did i mention that
the guys in frequency needs a mate are the funniest people are earth??
there will be more on that later... they played a great show and
really bridged some gaps at that party.
the monolators followed one of those screaming metal bands but were
delayed due to yet another visit from the police. once the cops left
the party started up again and the second keg arrived. mary and eli
rarely perform as a two piece but they are the dynamic duo and can do
anything they set their minds on doing. they were fucking great and
angie had her mouth hung open the entire show. it looked like she was
witnessing the greatest 25 minutes of live music she has ever seen, and
it very well might have been. they had one super fan that was half
naked and dancing spastically through their whole set. hhe had a
pom-pom and was flipping out. it was great to see.
the monolators are one of those rare bands that makes everyone smile
and have a good time. im so glad we got to see those guys in NY. they
are the nicest and coolest damn people. its such a huge bonus that
their songs rule! i'll be their best friends in space or anywhere else
for that matter.
the mormons were slated to go on next but when it came time to play
they discovered that jimmy's bass was missing from the trailer.
fucking shit. they jumped in their van and headed back to manhattan to
look for the bass at lit. luckily they found it but not in time to
play the party so they hung out in manhattan.
the police came to the party again and gave diana a ticket. they said
if they had to come back that they would arrest her. she signed the
ticket and got everyone back in the house that girl doesn't give a
fuck. 10 minutes later 8-bit played regardless of cops and what might
happen to diana. if the state of wyoming had half the balls that this
little long island girl has they could have had an amazing time when we
were there. the moral of the story on that one is probably that
pussies dont deserve to have fun.
the basement was HOT and the robots were about to die, then something
amazing happened. people started taking their clothes off!!! the
robots looked up to see a mob of naked or near naked people all over
the basement. it was mostly guys but it was masterminded by the guys
from frequency. those guys are the nakedest band i've ever seen.
it was a drunken slip and slide of naked people and beer. the
meat-heads stayed near the back or went upstairs. a few guys with
their shirts off made them sexually confused so they had to back away.
8-bit nearly suffered heat stroke but finished the set like the
robo-soldiers that they are. it was really fun after all... we went
upstairs to continue getting drunk. its been this recurring thing
that we are trying to kill ourselves every night with liquor. its like
the movie leaving las vegas was merged with 'on the road'.
when we got upstairs we heard a meat-head say 'whats up with that
faggot band?' we also heard, 'i went down stairs and it was like a
bunch of naked fags everywhere. fucking sick.' we didn't feel so bad
about the blowjob that one of their girlfriends handed out later that
night. its gotta suck to kiss the lips of a girl that just sucked off
a 'faggot'. dumbasses. another ironic thing was that one of the
meat-heads was caught singing the chorus to 'suck my dick' a half hour
later. its gotta be rough singing a 'faggot' chorus. loser patrol.
one of the funniest things that happened was a flash of brilliance led
by Jay, the drummer of frequency. one of the meat-heads was wearing a
metallica shirt. jay asked him if he liked metallic and he said, 'fuck
yeah, im wearin the shirt!!' there was a live mike nearby so jay asked
him to sing 'enter sandman'. metalli-meat-head got all pissed off. he
was saying that jay didnt know what the REAL metallica was all about.
he said that enter sandman was shit and that metallica got soft and
their real shit was the old shit. jay told him that he just really
like enter sandman. the guy got crazy and and asked jay if he was
fucking with him. he said 'this is my dads shirt. if you wanna fight,
we'll take it outside motherfucker.' it was sooo fucking funny. the
guy was so disgusted at the thought of enter sandman that he took the
shirt off and walked upstairs.
if i told every disgusting thing in detail this would be incredibly
long. here are some quick highlights and quotes.
'you're my best friend, dont make me punch you in the fucking face' (he
wasn't kidding)
'emo faggots will die. the only real music is blood metal!' (quoted
from a guy with frosted hair)
'what did i did?' (same frosted haired guy)
a scrawny vanilla ice rapper guy was trying to fight an obviously drunk
girl in a dinner dress
'i think this dog is a faggot'
it goes on and on and on... the next highlight was the kid with the
pom pom had passed out on a bed. since homophobia was the prevailing
theme of the party, the frequency guys decided to have some fun with
it. they put high heels on the guy, some female undergarments, nail
polish, some choice accessories, and topped it off with spitting in a
condom and leaving it next to his face. unfortunately the camera
crapped out cause it was sooo fucking funny.
we all had some quick gay sex and went to bed to prepare for the drive
to balitmore..
posted by The Mormons at 7:29 PM
14 comments
